I’m think I’m trying. I like to believe that I’m trying to find peace, to find some sort of resolution and acceptance for everything that has happened to me, but I have moments. Moments when the unfairness and the anger and the rage bubble to the surface and all I can think about it revenge, but what is the price to pay for that.
I like to think that I’ll eventually be able to give forgiveness, but there’s that big part of me that thinks that forgiving is saying that what they did is okay, but I can’t think that way. It’s more like saying what you did is not okay, but I’m not willing to carry that around with me anymore, I’m not willing to carry you around in my head and in my life anymore. It’s about freeing myself from the grip of the past that keeps coming back in the anger.
With the start of the new year, it’s a chance to change the way that I look at things, and the way that I look at life. I’ve ralized that you can’t change other people or what they think, or how they act, and that it shouldn’t be my concern. I only have to worry about one person and that is myself, even my parents and my friends can take care of themselves and their lives. It’s not like I don’t care about them and want the best for them, but I can’t control them and it’s not my responsibility to. It’s not my job to fix anybody, and it’s not my job to explain myself or my life to anybody. I know who I am and what I stand for, and there’s no oint getting angry about what anyone else says or does because it will never and can never change that.
Forgiveness isn’t about them, it’s about freeing myself!
